Clever Band Working Hard to Maintain its Reputation

   The Columbia University Marching Band 
announced today it is launching a search for 
a new musician to play the fork at 
basketball games this season.
   "We already have people who play the 
spoon and the knife," said drum major 
Matthew Cooper, CC '88, "but we're still 
looking for a fork player."
   The New Musician will join the band's 
large miscellaneous section, which features 
instruments like coffee cans, coconut 
shells, and the kazoo.
   Though famous for it's march through 
College Library the night before the organic 
chemistry final, the band performs some of 
it's most interesting antics on the football 
fields. During a recent half time show at
Princeton, for example, Columbia's band 
members formed a human oval space and filled 
in the blanks, "leaving no stray mark" to 
mock the Educational Testing Service, 
located at Princeton, New Jersey, 
according to manager Kathleen Webster.
   Though the Columbia Band, which has a 
core group of 30 members, is smaller than 
other bands, "Our show is as funny or 
funnier than those of other bands," Webster 
said.
   The band refers to itself at "the 
cleverest band in the world," and a 
top-secret handbook instructs new members to 
act clever, according to Webster.
   "The Band has a lot of crazy, funky 
spirit you don't find in other 
organizations," said Cornelia Gallo, CC '88, 
the band's music manager.
   The bandroom is adorned with signs from 
every Ivy League school. When asked how the 
band accrued such a collection, Cooper said 
that although stealing from other schools is 
not an official policy of the band, it has 
happened. "It's like in the Iliad- when they 
kill someone, they take their armour," 
Cooper explained. "We're just practicing 
what we learned in Lit Hum. In our victory 
we take armour in the form of flags and 
banners. It's a thing all Ivy League bands 
do.
   The band sometimes excercises it's wit 
at the expense of other schools. At a recent 
Princeton game, band members filled yellow 
garbage bags with rocks, and distributed 
them throughout the Princeton campus. 
Attached to the bags were warning notices 
describing the bags hazardous contents and 
listing telephone numbers to call if the bag
was located. Band members said Princeton 
security accused the prank of clogging the
switchboard that afternoon.
   The Prank was organized by the bands 
Special Weapons and Defense Team (SWAT) [huh?]
"which is in charge of thinking of clever 
things to do," Webster said.
   Other band functions include playing the 
Mickey Mouse Club theme as the opposing team 
comes onto the field, to playing Columbia 
Classics such as "Roar Lion Roar," "Sans 
Souci," and "Stand Up and Cheer."
   During the game, the band makes noise to 
encourage the players and to keep the 
audience from walking out in the middle of 
the losing football games, Webster said.